‘You’ve failed us’: Man Up and Quits His Job as Soon as His Wife Gives Birth, She Blames Him For Their Financial Struggles

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jun 30, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen. Building your future with someone is no small decision. There's a lot of responsibility involved for both people. If you can't rely on your partner's words or actions, or if you don't perceive them as financially responsible, then how is one to trust them in the future with money? Especially when you start bringing kids into the situation, it's imperative to have full trust in your partner, and to know that you're a team building something together. 

This all relates to the Reddit story below. The original poster (OP) is a woman who just gave birth. Prior to giving birth, she had an agreement with her husband that she'd be a stay-at-home mom, and that he'd be the breadwinner. Surprise surprise when he drops the uncertainty bomb on her, and says he quit his job. Do I hear divorce bells? Maybe not now, but debt bells are certainly ringing. Read the full story to see for yourself. 

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  • 01
    r/AITAH ⚫ 6 hr. ago SecretAdvisor9954 AITA for telling my husband that he failed me and our child?
    via u/ SecretAdvisor9954
  • 02
    I've been with my husband for 8 years now. For the first 7 years, we planned HEAVILY because we both wanted a child but we needed to make sure we had everything 'just right' because I was very firm in the fact that I would never be okay with sending our child to daycare. I was going to be a stay at home mom. He 100% agreed. We
    via u/ SecretAdvisor9954
  • 03
    bought the house, we built the nursery, we saved every penny we could afford to save, etc. Right now we are sitting on a very nice nest egg of just over $150k. I got pregnant in December 2022. 1 gave birth in the very beginning of September. It has been an absolute I show since then.
    via u/ SecretAdvisor9954
  • 04
    So, to kick off, within the first 2 months of me giving birth (and having severe PPD), he decides to make a completely out of the blue career change. I urge him to go get checked by his PCP for PPD, because surely something must be wrong to be making such a life changing decision with zero warning so soon after I give
    via u/ SecretAdvisor9954
  • 05
    birth. He refuses. Insists that he is fine but that his career is all the sudden 'too much' and it's 'taking too much time away from bonding with the baby'. Literally a normal 40hr work week but he was getting because for the last 2 weeks of his employment, his boss had been asking that he works 4hrs every
    via u/ SecretAdvisor9954
  • 06
    Saturday (his normal day off, but it's only 4hrs). So, he quits. He gets a job elsewhere 2 days later and takes a $4.50/hr pay cut. Okay, no big deal. Except now he has to pay $160 out of each paycheck for the mandatory benefits and work fees. That doesn't include taxes. He also has been working 6 days a week, versus the 5 that he was working.
    via u/ SecretAdvisor9954
  • 07
    So less time at home (but: "well they said I could probably get manager", so I guess it's okay?). He is bringing in no more than $300 a paycheck, in comparison to the $600+ paychecks he was getting. Our bills are almost $2k a month. Therefore we have had to pay out of our savings every single month and it adds up quick!
    via u/ SecretAdvisor9954
  • 08
    Well, heres where I may be an Bills are obviously due soon. I asked him how much money he had set aside for the bills so I could work through the numbers. He tells me that he "wasn't able to" save anything for bills and he literally has $4 in his account. Meaning come the first, ALL of the bill money will be
    via u/ SecretAdvisor9954
  • 09
    coming out of our savings. He tells me "maybe you need to start looking for a job, my mom will probably watch the baby". I just don't say anything because I know I'm going to explode. His mom comes here this morning and he runs it by her (without even getting my approval, which would absolutely
    via u/ SecretAdvisor9954
  • 10
    be a hard no because I'm quite certain she's early stages of Dementia), and she goes "no, but I know a daycare that has openings" and proceeds to call them and tell them that we want to enroll our daughter. I speak up and say no, I'm not putting the baby in daycare. I'm also not having her watch the baby. It's
    via u/ SecretAdvisor9954
  • 11
    not happening and my husband. needs to figure it out. My MIL then tells me that it's "not fair" that I won't come up with solutions to help her son, who is clearly 'struggling'. I snap. I tell her that it is not my job to come up with solutions for a man who failed me and our child. WE had everything planned. WE had the
    via u/ SecretAdvisor9954
  • 12
    money. WE figured this out and spent years figuring it out before coming to this point. Now HE is going against the plan. He decided to quit his job. He refused to get help when I urged him to. He didn't save any of his paychecks for bills. This is on him, 100%. Before anyone could respond, I went inside and packed an overnight bag for both
    via u/ SecretAdvisor9954
  • 13
    me and the baby and told him I'd be going to my mothers house. until he got his together and got his head on straight. He is mostly texting me saying that he can't believe I think he is failing us. But his mother is blowing up my phone saying that I'm a dumb and that plans change and since I'm married to her son and hes the 'only one working' that
    via u/ SecretAdvisor9954
  • 14
    hes the 'only one working' that he should be the final say in what happens from this point forward. AITA? Edit: spelling.
    via u/ SecretAdvisor9954
  • 15
    BlueSkyOneCloud • 5h ago How did you manage to buy a house, build a nursery, and save $150,000 in 7 years when it sounds like he's never made much above minimum wage? Are there some zeroes missing or added somewhere?
    via u/BlueSkyOneCloud
  • 16
    Rhubarbalicious • 6h ago NTA, but you need to tell your husband that he CAN NOT put himself first when he has a child. He's upset because he had to work on a Saturday TWICE?
    via u/Rhubarbalicious
  • 17
    He proved himself untrustworthy when it comes to the really important things. He completely over y'alls plan without giving two about you or your child.
    via u/Rhubarbalicious
  • 18
    Abd his mom calling you a dumb is unacceptable. He needs to scold his mother for that.
    via u/Rhubarbalicious
  • 19
    Otherwise-Averag... • 3h ago Are you certain he quit his former job instead of being fired? Quitting a job over 4 hours of Saturday work, then taking a job with all day Saturday work, just doesn't make sense, especially with that big pay cut.
    via u/Otherwise-Averag
  • 20
    Fluid-Hunt465 • 5h ago NTA but I'm worried about the money. A scorned man. with a scorned mama equals trouble. They're going to cash out that savings.
    via u/Fluid-Hunt465
  • 21
    Constant_Orange7... • 6h ago NTA...but you need to protect you and your child. Talk to an attorney because your husband is going to bleed your savings dry, and you will be left with nothing.
    via u/Constant_Orange7
  • 22
    suri007dragon • 4h ago OP, this whole situation is red flags galore, and I can guarantee that he's hiding something from you. Him deciding to unilaterally quit a job that pays well because his boss asked him to work 4 hours on a couple Saturdays, only to then take
    via u/suri007dragon
  • 23
    another with a pay cut, where he has to work 6 whole days AND pay for benefits that you may very well need to use while recovering from giving birth, all of it just doesn't add up. Also, what did he spend his entire paycheck on that he only has $4 left to go towards bills? You probably
    via u/suri007dragon
  • 24
    would have seen at least some of the things he spent it on.
    via u/suri007dragon

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